Gyakutenno Megami
by Chiwizard
Summary: An inside peek into what I think Yami's inner thoughts are, and how he's trying to come to terms with his past fic is so much better than summary, rating for safety. Please enjoy!


Look, it's another one! My angst just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?  
Actually, this one ain't very angsty, but read it anyway will you?  
Guess what, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
I guess this is kinda depressing, so consider yourself warned!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Who am I?  
  
  
  
You'd think that an easy question to answer.  
  
  
  
It's not so easy when you don't have a name.  
  
  
  
No, that's not entirely accurate…  
  
  
  
It's harder when you don't remember if you ever had a name.  
  
  
  
Not knowing if your total lifespan measures months or millennia.  
  
  
  
Or whether you're really alive, or if you've never been in the first place.  
  
  
  
That makes it as close to impossible as it goes.  
  
  
  
I remember nothing before he solved the Puzzle, and yet I know - I think I know - I've been   
  
  
  
around a lot longer.  
  
  
  
I look at myself in the mirror.  
  
  
  
Everything seems normal, but what is 'normal'?  
  
  
  
I am the definition of everything that is not normal.  
  
  
  
Who am I?  
  
  
  
Maybe I'm a spirit, one who can never be at rest.  
  
  
  
Maybe I'm a Pharaoh, the Morning and Evening Star.  
  
  
  
Maybe I'm a guardian, who will forever guide and protect those I love.  
  
  
  
Maybe I'm nothing at all.  
  
  
  
Does it matter?  
  
  
  
Nothing matters anymore.  
  
  
  
I stay in my corner, watch a parade march across the inside of my tightly shut eyelids.  
  
  
  
"…He's not me, but he's not really not me…."  
  
  
  
"…You can start by trusting in me…."  
  
  
  
"…How can I trust you?…"  
  
  
  
"…Yugi, please, let me help you!…"  
  
  
  
"…I can't let him hurt Mai!…"  
  
  
  
"…Yugi, wait!…"  
  
  
  
"…You're here to guide and protect him?…"  
  
  
  
"…I will defeat you once and for all!…"  
  
  
  
"…We're going to do this my way, right?…"  
  
  
  
"…I only wanted to help…."  
  
  
  
"…I almost couldn't control it - this other presence deep inside me…."  
  
  
  
"…She's just trying to divide and conquer, a strategy that's worked for centuries - believe   
  
  
me, I know…."  
  
  
  
"…My father got it for me in Egypt - I think that's where they're all from…."  
  
  
  
"…And I vow never to go against your wishes again…."  
  
  
  
"…He was willing to go all the way against Kaiba!…"  
  
  
  
"…Yes, my word is my bond…."  
  
  
  
"…Well, whatever's up with you Yugi, both of you are really great guys…."  
  
  
  
"…Yugi?…"  
  
  
  
"…I dreamt we were dressed as Duel Monsters…and there were two Yugi's!…"  
  
  
  
"…Exodia…OBLITERATE!…"  
  
  
  
No memory can show me the answer.  
  
  
  
No memory can tell me my name.  
  
  
  
I know that everything I do remember really happened, but…  
  
  
  
Did it happen to me?  
  
  
Who am I?  
  
  
That's always been the question, hasn't it?  
  
  
Something that everybody asks themselves all the time, or so I've heard.  
  
  
A father…  
  
  
A mother…  
  
  
A Sister, Brother, or none of the above.  
  
  
  
To most people, it's so simple.  
  
  
  
I look deeper, deeper than I've ever tried before.  
  
  
  
"…The desert is beautiful in the moonlight, isn't it?…"  
  
  
  
"…Say, why don't we play a little game?…"  
  
  
  
"…Father? Father, where are you? Father!…"  
  
  
  
Fragments swirling an a raging storm, memories snatched from my fingertips before I can see   
  
  
  
them properly.  
  
  
  
I don't think I can take it anymore…  
  
  
  
"Uh, hello?"  
  
  
  
What?  
  
  
  
Someone…in here?  
  
  
  
I open my eyes.  
  
  
  
There he goes, walking right by me, full of life and light and hope.  
  
  
  
How did I ever convince myself that I was a part of something so pure?  
  
  
  
I should close my eyes, I don't want to talk.  
  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
  
  
Too late.  
  
  
  
He's spotted me.  
  
  
  
I'm very tempted to simply ignore him, to close my eyes and banish the little one that even   
  
  
  
now sits near me with great caution from my mind.  
  
  
  
No such luck.  
  
  
  
"Um…I was kind of wondering…"  
  
  
  
"Yes?"  
  
  
  
"So…how have you been?"  
  
  
  
/Jeez, even for me that was so lame!/  
  
  
  
I give him no indication that his thoughts are quite obvious to me.  
  
  
  
"I am fine."  
  
  
  
He squirmed a little.  
  
  
  
Nothing to talk about?  
  
  
  
Then why is he even here?  
  
  
  
I desperately want him to leave, but I'm sick of being alone.  
  
  
  
Just plain sick.  
  
  
  
"Uh…"  
  
  
  
The slight noise pulls my wandering gaze back to him.  
  
  
  
/I should just go ahead and say it! But, what if he gets mad?/  
  
  
  
How could anyone ever get mad at you, Yugi?  
  
  
  
He's everybody's best friend, and I'm just the guy that lives in the stupid Millennium   
  
  
Puzzle.  
  
  
  
"I never got to ask before - do you have a name?"  
  
  
  
He looks fairly shocked he said it.  
  
  
  
Do I have a name, huh.  
  
  
  
I've been asking myself that for weeks.  
  
  
  
How can I phrase this?  
  
  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
'None to my knowledge, anyway,' my mind says.  
  
  
  
"You don't remember your own name?"  
  
  
  
He heard me?  
  
  
  
This can only get worse.  
  
  
I close my eyes.  
  
  
  
I'm pathetic - some protector I make.  
  
  
  
Feeling something brush against my arm, I look and to my surprise Yugi is right beside me.  
  
  
  
He's…crying?  
  
  
  
By Ra, are all my problems that obvious?  
  
  
  
I can't stand to see him get upset over me, I'm nothing.  
  
  
  
I'm dust, left to be blown by the wind.  
  
  
  
I'm forgotten, abandoned to rust.  
  
  
  
I'm…darkness, as likable as the card.  
  
  
  
The Yami card.  
  
  
  
"Can I give you a name?"  
  
  
  
Shrugging is my only response.  
  
  
  
/I should give him a good one, the reason he's like this is my fault to begin with!/  
  
  
  
A pause.  
  
  
  
/Maybe I should never have solved the Puzzle at all./  
  
  
  
//That is a false presumption.//  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
//You have no way of knowing if leaving the Puzzle unsolved would have left me my   
  
memories.//  
  
  
  
"…Are you doing that?"  
  
  
  
I gave him a look, one that said 'Is there anybody else here?'  
  
  
  
"Can you read my mind?"  
  
  
  
"Only if you let me."  
  
  
  
//I certainly have no say in it.//  
  
  
  
He looks at me like he's never seen me before.  
  
  
  
Self-pity isn't something I usually broadcast, you know.  
  
  
  
When you're protecting someone, you tend to clamp down on your personal feelings.  
  
  
  
Screw it all, what about me?  
  
  
  
Who gets to protect me when I'm over my head?  
  
  
  
Who's there to guide me?  
  
  
  
It's selfish, it's stupid, and it's blissfully human.  
  
  
  
I'm not sure if I'm really human anymore.  
  
  
  
As far back as I know, all I've been is part of this golden prison.  
  
  
  
Shining metal encasing a cage of black.  
  
  
  
"…How about Yami?"  
  
  
  
Huh?  
  
  
  
"As a name. Yami."  
  
  
  
That's more like what I am then a true name.  
  
  
  
Which in the end is all the same.  
  
  
  
"From now on, I am Yami," I said, testing it out.  
  
  
  
Who am I?  
  
  
  
I may never have an answer.  
  
  
  
But it doesn't really matter to me anymore.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Fini~ 


End file.
